Thursday, March 16

The Love of an Epic TV Show

For the love of TV shows.
There is something great about them that we all have experienced at least once.
Tears. Laughter. Pain. Angry. Grief. Every emotion.

For me, it was The West Wing, which I have written about manymanymany, many, many times. This show changed my life, frankly it is why I went into politics. The idealistic nature of what government COULD BE.


Now, I have written many times about the importance of the West Wing, so that is not what I am doing here. Instead, commenting, rather pointing out the incredible importance a fantastic television show can have on your life. Whether it be inspiring folks to do things with a powerful speech, or envoke a feeling that hasn't been played, or make you weep, make a memory of a past experience come right back to your face.

Television allows us to explore a life, through scenes and incredible diologeue, that we wish we had or could someday aspire to.

Moments that will make you cry uncontrollably, like Parenthood did (you know the scene, damn, choked up again. Or incredible times How I Met Your Mother was just too damn real....(like those episodes where I had to do a lap around the block because it hit me too hard (damn emotional thinking about it (hot damn, parenthesis within parenthesis (a thought within a thought within a thought))) I digress). I'll come back to How I Met Your Mother.

Then there is Breaking Bad, which I just finished a couple of days ago.



Breaking Bad is something incredible. I do not want any of the characters lives, but I am drawn right into it. The slow build, the incredible story telling, the ability to move the story ever so slowly forward. Cheering so many freaking times for the bad guys. And cheering for people to die. The last 5 episodes I had to binge. Truly, Breaking Bad, is one of the best creations ever - of all media, ever.

And this connects with House of Cards for me. It connects even more than Breaking Bad as House of Cards was my life for too too long. I know a Frank Underwood. I know a Claire Underwood. I know Doug Stamper's and all the other characters. I found myself enthralled in the pure anti-West Wing sentiment it brought. Where the West Wing brought me into politics, House of Cards helped in my exit.


And then there are the incredible stories that made me ball, just for ending such a perfect story of characters. This is the Friday Night Lights (I still can't say "clear eyes, full hearts, can't loose" with out butterfly's), Quantum Leap (Sam, please come home), and finally ERER is interesting as it has it's incredible moments, then really shitty seasons. But still, because I hung on, and it was apart of my life, the last episodes hit me.

And, I have to come back to How I Met Your Mother as it holds even more meaning to me. It found me at an important place in my life and complimented my love of Friends so much. The thing is, the scary part of this how a show can become apart of your life, of your memory. I still do not think I can finish How I Met Your Mother, even though I left it with 5 episodes to go. It meant something to me and my past 18 months.


How I Met Your Mother transcended a simple TV show. All of these shows have in one way or another.

And, I guess that is my point. TV can become more.
TV can add comfort. Take away. Bring it back again.

Another's story. A fictional character can become like family.
That is cool.
That is why art is so important.
We can find words when there are none.

Friday, March 10

Time ~ Hootie And The Blowfish

(One of the greatest times of our time.)



Time why you punish me
Like a wave bashing into the shore
You wash away my dreams

Time why you walk away
Like a friend with somewhere to go
You left me crying

Can you teach me 'bout tomorrow
And all the pain and sorrow running free
'Cause tomorrow's just another day
And I don't believe in time

Time I don't understand
Children killing in the street
Dying for the color of red

Time there red and blue
Wash them in the ocean, make them clean
Maybe their mother won't cry tonight

Can you teach me about tomorrow
And all the pain and sorrow running free
But tomorrow's just another day
And I don't believe in

Time is wasting time is walking
You ain't no friend of mine
I don't know where I'm goin'
I think I'm out of my mind
Thinking about time
And if I die tomorrow
Just lay me down in sleep

Time is wasting time is walking
You ain't no friend of mine
I don't know where I'm goin'
I think I'm out of my mind
Thinking about time

Time you left me standing there
Like a tree growing all alone
The wind just stripped me bare
Stripped me bare

Time the past has come and gone
The future's far away
And now only lasts for one second, one second

Can you teach me 'bout tomorrow
And all the pain and sorrow, running free
'Cause tomorrow's just another day
And I don't believe in time

You ain't no friend of mine
I don't know where I'm goin'
I think I'm out of my mind

Walking, wasting
You ain't no friend of mine
And I don't know where I'm goin'
No don't know

Time without courage
And time without fear
Is just wasted, wasted
Wasted time

Time why you punish me

Monday, March 6

10 Things

1. Tomorrow is turning into a really big day for me. And that just hit me.

2. All my years of saying I am a rollarcoaster of emotion are false compared to where I am the last three months.

3. This song. This freaking song.
tell me how you've been,
tell what you've seen,
tell me that you'd like to see me too.
4. I am tired of just holding on.
Just want to break and for all to let me be.
Don't know what tomorrow will bring, but know my yesterday with you was so peaceful.
I didn't know what peaceful was.
There was little to shy from.
And we just ended and went our ways.
That is life.
And now I am trying to put my pieces together.
But, all I want is another moment with you.

5. I question everyday why I post on this. Ha. I am not that public of a person.

6. For the first time in my life I am completely ashamed of the person in the White House. I have no respect and that kills me a bit. For the first time, the person in the Federal Government his hurting...killing me on the inside. More so than when I actually worked in national politics and that kills me a bit.

7. I am almost done with Breaking Bad. Hot damn that is good shit.

8. Tomorrow I am presenting on my thesis. Something I have been working on for 18 months. ((...)) I am ready for this to be over and write it all out. Knocking items off my list.

9. I need to make Spring Back plans that do not involve being in Plattsburgh.

10. Acceptance is coming. I swear. It has to be.

Saturday, March 4

Goodbye ~ Hootie and the Blowfish



Tomorrow used to be a day away Now love is gone and you're into someone far away. I never thought the day would come When I would see his hand, not mine, holding onto yours because I could not find the time. Now I can't deny nothing lasts forever I don't want to leave and I see the tear drops in your eyes I don't want to live to see the day we say goodbye Now there comes another part of life that I call alone sitting at a bar with Chris and I can't leave 'cause my house ain't no home, no. I just wanna touch you girl I wanna feel you close to me Without your love I would give up now and walk away so easily. So maybe while you're young We'll figure out together that even with the pain, there's a remedy and we'll be all right I don't want to live to see the day we say goodbye. When I first met you I couldn't love anyone but you stole my dreams and you made me see that I can walk under the sun and I can still be me and now I can't deny nothing lasts forever. But I don't want to leave and see the teardrops in your eyes So baby while we're young let's figure out together that even with the pain there's a remedy and we'll be all right. I don't want to live to see the day we say goodbye, we say goodbye, oh goodbye, goodbye.

Friday, March 3

Weekend Reflection pt. II : The Reflection

The second part of this post (the first can be found here) is the hardest part to put into words - the emotions that this weekend turned into. It was more of a reflective internal experience.

It snuck up on me, but this became an extremely reflective, introspection of myself. I really forgot the different locations and plans I had made it what truly is, now, "my past life". All of this turned into a special, personal, perfect storm of emotions and reexamining of my past - all for the best.

The Drive Down
The ferry, then through Vermont was relatively uneventful. Just got thinking, I left work midday, was already, truly didn't want to be driving any where on this Friday.

Then I got within 10 miles of New Hampshire and realized - hot damn, I haven't been here in almost 5 years! And then a rush of crazy memories as I crossed the boarder. Remembering every drive and crazy ass stories of why I was driving at any given hour. Then through Henniker, then Concord.

Concord has changed a lot since I was there last. This was my home for 5 years, and it was different with moments of familiarity. It was like an old friend I lost contact with.

Then to the State House, a real, old friend.

I went to the Speakers office (where, yes, I had to ask directions because I forgot!) to see my old friend. It was so great to see her, her fiance and office mate (a former intern from years past). I got caught up on all the going on's of New Hampshire - somethings just do not change.

New Hampshire does not change.

Then I went to the amazing Draft and got to see the couple who got me into politics, the Sanborn's. Saw my old bosses, relived and seen how much it hasn't changed.

And realized. Right there. Right then. I cannot go back into politics. I cannot that to myself again.

I reflected on this on the way to the conference. And that, that is where I am at.

The Drive Back
This turned into the hardest part. I decided to make a detour around my old stomping grounds. Found my old job, my old apartment. Just drove by. And it all hit me at once. Boom. My old life....it seemed like decades ago. The man I used to be. The man I am now. All merged into one epic, emotional cry (out of freaking no where).

And out of all of this I started missing my past relationship. Just wanting to say hi. And talk with them all day about the incredible rollarcoaster that was the weekend. From the highs to the lows, to why I still get a bit emotional in New Hampshire, to talk about a life unlived or a life trying to live, to talk about a future...a future that really is no more I guess. And she was on my mind all the way back.

It is funny how life is like a circle at times.
The things that remind you of your past.
What you remember.

Do you remember just the good?
Or do you see just the grimy parts?

I find myself seeing all parts at the same time. Finding a bit more time to reflect on those parts. The good and the bad. I miss everyone. Some folks I have not seen in many years. It was weird to, even for a moment, have them back in my world. We smiled. We hugged. We moved on. We all found a future.

We all moved on to a future away from each other.
Ya, so, emotional. But good. Very good.
A new sense of focus.
Or attempting to find a new focus.

Sunday, February 26

Weekend Reflection pt. I : NODA Region IX

Wow.
Just wow.

What a great weekend. I had the opportunity to make a trip to Danvers, MA for NODA. And went through so much (positiveness), I needed to break this post into two parts. The NODA experience then the way too in depth internal thinking.


NODA Region IX was such an incredible experience. I have been looking forward to this conference for the last three months, yet Friday sort of snuck up on me - and then BAM I was driving then there. The second part is going to be more about the drive and reflection. However, this is all about the NODA experience!

1. The incredibly amazing people
Just incredible people all around. Primarily talking about staff, but the students were incredible too (look at #2). The people I met were dedicated, positive, accepting, so freaking fun, and just all around salt of the Earth folks. As someone coming to NODA for the first time and by myself, I was accepted by many groups across the board. By dinner the first night I had a group and was able to bounce all around.

It always amazes me of how important the extra activities are at conferences. The unstructured time. That is where the real ideas are shared, where friends are made, and where the experience actually happens.

We all just had a blast together. I actually made some new (incredibly amazingly awesome) friends. It has been a long time since I've been able to say that. Just some great people. May need to go to Boston more often.

2. The students...the students!
Oh Gosh, and the students - so much freaking energy. I wish I could have brought some students.

I feel they focused the programming for the students, which is great and where it should be. They all seem to be so full of positive energy. Every team was great to watch. Rejuvenating is the only way I can describe how incredible to watch this.

3. The learning: SO MUCH LEARNING
This weekend truly changed the direction I was going with our Orientation operations. Moving myself and our campus into a much more positive direction. Looking forward to the 2017 Summer Orientation and the future of our program.


In the end, this was just an amazing experience. I learned so much. Met so many amazing people. I need to go to more conferences.

Friday, February 17

Billy Joel ~ Miami 2017

Wow...it is 2017...and this song just hit my ears. It has easily been
over 8 years since I have heard this song.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Miami 2017



Seen the lights go out Broadway

I saw the Empire State laid low
And life went on beyond the Palisades
They all bought Cadillacs
And left there long ago

They held a concert out in Brooklyn

To watch the island bridges blow
They turned our power down
And drove us underground
But we went right on with the show

I've seen the lights go out on Broadway

I saw the ruins at my feet
You know we almost didn't notice it
We'd seen it all the time on Forty second street

They burned the churches down in Harlem

Like in that Spanish civil war
The flames were everywhere
But no one really cared
It always burned up there before

I've seen the lights go out on Broadway

I saw the mighty skyline fall
The boats were waiting at the battery
The union went on strike
They never sailed at all

They sent a carrier out from Norfolk

And picked the Yankees up for free
They said that Queens could stay
And blew the Bronx away
And sank Manhattan out at sea

You know those lights were bright on Broadway

That was so many years ago
Before we all lived here in Florida
Before the Mafia took over Mexico
There are not many who remember
They say a handful still survive
To tell the world about
The way the lights went out
And keep the memory alive



Wednesday, February 15

20 Things to Moving Forward

To find meaning and to move forward from heartbreak is always hard. For one, I believe you never get over a loved one - rather love is kinda infinite. Thus, heartbreak being inevitable in one way or another; learning from that heartbreak is key to living a satisfying life (really just to live). I believe we don't "get over" something, instead, we learn where we fit in their life and them in our life. Once we accomplish this, we can begin to move forward.

I also had a few, two step forward one step back mentality. At times, things seem to be going well, then BAM-o not so much. A rollar coaster of emotion.

Here are some of my thoughts on moving forward (thanks to buzzfeed for helping out, I tried a bunch and some of my own)....

1. Ok, go big or go home - 2,000 piece puzzle.

2. Reclaim yourself. If you were in love, gave everything; I know I did - begin to reclaim it all back. Yes, it hurts so much. But, by going through it you will know what those moment meant, yes I miss that person, but now my happiness is solely up to me.

3. Watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Just do it. Don't ask any more questions.

4. Go to a brewery and ask, “Hey! If I was a beer critic, what beer would you recommend?” This actually worked for me. I did it to two brewery's I was impressed.

5. Seriously, browse an art gallery while holding your hands behind your back. When you find a piece you really like, stare at it, but be sure to stay at least two feet away from the piece, otherwise a security guard will step in and tell you to back off, ruining your moment of zen.

6. Get back into a routine with your exercising. I am running so much more. Over 100 miles since B-day. Game on for 2017. And I have been lifting more consistently, trying to pump myself up.

7. Get on Netflix and binge watch something amazing. For me : BREAKING BAD MARATHON. It some how ended up on my bucket list, and hot damn is it amazing.

8. Yes, I spent $50 bucks at the mall in the arcade room. Totally lost myself for a good hour and a half. Then it got weird. But, ya, worked-ish.

9. Realize what makes you great - it will take some time. I am still struggling with it. But, yes, find it. Hold on to it.

10. Paint and Sip - again

11. Write a letter. Write a lot. Write all of your thoughts down. Keep them. Keep a journal. Write.

12. Drive for hours. Drivvveeeee. Never ever underestimate how important a long drive is. Drove for 4 hours. Mission accomplished.

13. I wake up super early as it is, but this was something special about waking up just before the world wakes up. In freaking December I woke up at 5am and ran, lifted. It felt great. It was just perfect, no one was out. I ran in the middle of the road. Me and my thoughts. Very very thankful for this one.

14. Make this incredible soup : http://slowcooker-pasta.cooktopcove.com/2016/08/08/mix-these-5-ingredients-in-a-slow-cooker-for-a-soul-warming-dinner-treat/?src=fbfan_54623&t=fbad&k=lgvpdus017

15. Call your Mom. I always call my Mom, at least once a week. But I made a special moment to give her a buzz. She was surprised and I think to this moment is still a bit paranoid. Grateful to have her.

16. Talk to your friends - talk to as many that will listen. Share your feelings. Let them listen. Let others in (by far the hardest part for me). Talk. Talk a lot. Don't be ashamed to cry. When you are down, they are their for you - totally in the friend contract. I think this is one of the most important things I have learned - just how amazing my friends are, and how ok it really is to lean on them.

17. Walk through what you consider a beautiful area in your city/town. Every city has that place. I have two that are specially mine, and I wandered there multiple times. At some point, pause, take a deep breath, exhale, put your hands on your hips and then say, “Yeah…”

18. GO TO BRUNCH! ALWAYS - I REPEAT, ALWAYS GO TO BRUNCH.
Ah...soo damn good - The Blue Collar Bistro.

19. Hike a mountain. This may be the one that meant the most to me.

20. Ok, Thank you Buzzfeed. Single is not horrible. Breathing now.
https://www.buzzfeed.com/norbertobriceno/single-single-single?utm_term=.ujJL6Dz6R8#.jyY2MqJMav

I am a Ted and Robin combination. Still, some facts in this.
The reality is - time is the only way to make any of this work. These are just a few options to improve yourself, well helping time help you.